This McDonald’s 24-Hour Challenge Is A New Level Of Cruel & Unusual Punishment For Finishing Last In Fantasy Football (2024)

Salute to the heroes who play fantasy football with this much on the line. I mean I guess it’s worth it if you start going viral and what not, but before you consider joining a fantasy league with your “friends”, you might want to consider the consequences of finishing in last place.

In a challenge that would make even Keon Coleman’s colon quiver, my newest mutual follow on Elon Musk’s X/Twitter p*rnographic hellscape is Joe DeLeone, a Bleav Network college football and NFL Draft analyst. Anyone who follows me back immediately and loves the NFL Draft is a winner by default. But Joe is taking “winner” and “champing through some serious sh*t” (in a literal sense) to a whole other level this weekend.

As revealed in non-XXX X post on Friday, Joe finished DFL in fantasy. The penalty? A 24-hour challenge in-person at McDonald’s, wherein he can cut into his time served by eating anything on the menu. The bigger the item, the more time he cuts off.

Pretty straightforward but very fun and I’m kind of sad nobody’s thought of this before. Or if they have, it hasn’t gone nearly this public. Anyway, Joe is providing updates on his progress, and our man went bigright out of the gates withseventeen hash browns as part of two “Big Breakfast” combos.

The Big Breakfast includes hot cakes for a little dessert; each one knocks off two hours from Joe’s sentence at the Big House. Er, the Big Arch.

Joe is feeling the love today. I’m glad for him. Don’t think he’s quite reached the delirious juncture of running the McDonald’s menu gauntlet, but he’s already feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, saying, “dudes rock” and similar such things. Turns out those first two Big Breakfasts went down easy.

So t-minus 20 hours remaining minus however long Joe has been at this particular fast food chain establishment. Sadly, the hash browns soon lost their luster. Literally 35 minutes after the update that the second breakfast was down the hatch, we got this:

Gave Joe a follow for this tweet right here. An instant classic, because I feel it to my core and would 100% long for the exact same thing.

I guess those two breakfast combos made a food baby like Joe was on the island from M. Night Shyamalan’s Old, because all of a sudden, he couldn’t order anything but apple slices, which only carve five minutes apiece off his McDonald’s stint. Good news? I guess Joe has been at Mickey D’s longer than I realized.

…Oh but those hash browns.

Soggy hash browns are the worst. You can only eat them so fast, and having to kill everything else in a Big Breakfast combo — scrambled eggs, a sausage patty, a big biscuit, and the hot cakes — is a Herculean task.

Tip of the cap to Joe for not taking a far easier route during his daylong McDonald’s stay.

This was an interesting tweet by Joe:

Dawg, maybe you just aren’t good at fantasy football? I kid, I kid. Good luck to the warrior the rest of the way.

But for anyone out there who does and wants to avoid fates such as these, follow my personal fantasy football philosophy. Ready?

Roast me for “ducking competition” or having “dubious integrity” if you must. How I approach fantasy is actually genius. I’ve beaten the system. You see, fantasy football is just that. Fantasy. The overwhelming majority of it is based on pure luck rather than skill. You’re at the complete mercy of player injuries and the “opponent” you face each week. You also have to be borderline psychotic to wake up at the ungodly hour the waiver wire opens just to try to scrape together a decent roster when three of your best five players inevitably go down. Why waste all that time and energy? Sounds exhausting.

So here’s what I do: Join one fantasy league that requires zero money to enter. Actually try to be decent and put together as good of a draft as possible. Chances are, the vast majority of folks who are in a no-money league are fantasy degenerates who have like 15 different leagues to juggle. By the middle of the season, I’m probably middle of the pack, but I can comfortably beat everyone to the waiver wire with just a modicum of effort. The owners whose teams suck give up by that point. Even some of the bros/roto chicks in contention for the top playoff seeds don’t pay as much attention because, well, there’s no money at stake.

By deploying this strategy, I finish no worse than top-four every season, and I often win. That way, I can say I’m “really good” at fantasy football whilst putting in a fraction of the effort.

Don’t knock it till you try it. I’m telling you, Joe, and anyone else who will listen…